Why I'm not a Writer

I would be a really awesome writer, except that my characters would have no motivation. I could describe everything they did or thought in wonderful detail, except that it would be very dull. They would just sit around going "Hm." "Hmm-hmm." Maybe with accents: "Ach-hem" or "ouah".

I just couldn't unfairly burden my characters with wanting to do something.

That's because what I want most, personally, is to have a cigarette, a cup of coffee, and a dull magazine like Newsweek. I want to savor being on the edge of boredom.

Actually doing something seems completely over the top and excessive.

But I could probably write something about as a long as a paragraph.

That's about as much as you possibly want to read, anyhow.

My theory is that only the first line - the first half sentence - of an email actually gets full attention. The second line gets scanned for keywords. The third line might as well be French (if you are an English speaker (and not Canadian.))

So I hope to find an audience for my blog whose extreme laziness in reading perfectly matches my own unwillingness to write anything long.